Corporate Euphemisms

The real meaning of some Corporate Lingo.

Competitive Salary:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join Our Fast-Paced Company:

We have no time to train you

Casual Work Atmosphere:

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Must Be Deadline Oriented:

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some Overtime Required:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Duties Will Vary:

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must Have An Eye For Detail:

We have no quality control.

Career-Minded:

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply In Person:

If you're old, fat or ugly you?ll be told the position has been filled.

No Phone Calls Please:

We've filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety Of Experience:

You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

Problem-Solving Skills A Must:

You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires Team Leadership Skills:

You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Good Communication Skills:

Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.

I'm Extremely Adept At All Manner Of Office Organization:

I've used Microsoft Office.

I'm Honest, Hard-Working And Dependable:

I pilfer office supplies.

My Pertinent Work Experience Includes:

I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

I Take Pride In My Work:

I blame others for my mistakes.

I'm Personable:

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.

I'm Extremely Professional:

I carry a Day-Timer.

I Am Adaptable:

I've changed jobs a lot.

I Am On The Go:

I'm never at my desk.


Tags: corporate lingo, salary, company, work, office, communication, employee, boss


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